My hopeless heart...

I wanna fall in love... Maybe I ask too much. I want...

...BUTTERFLIES! To be nervous or excited when he calls or I get to spend time with him.

...Someone who gets me. Who loves all the stupid little quirks that make me who I am and make him laugh.

...Someone who can make me smile even when I really don't want to. Who ends an argument by making me laugh.

...a boy that will just hold me when I need to cry.

...who knows that when I give my heart its completely. He'll treat it like precious treasure and do his best not to hurt it.

...someone who challenges my thought.

...who despite all my best efforts I can't help but fall.

...the guy I didn't expect.

...someone who will hold my hand and walk me down the beach. Who doesn't need to say anything because being with him is enough.

...who makes every moment a memory.

...who makes me thank God everyday for blessing my life with so much joy.

That's my wants. Where he is or if I already know him I don't know. It's just on my mind this morning. ...maybe it's because the holidays are near. It always make the season sweeter to share it with a somebody.

Maybe I'm turning 25 in two months and didn't expect my life to be where it is at this age.

Surprises??

I know what you're thinking... "I love surprises!!" And why wouldn't you? Normally they are awesome. ...of course I wouldn't know from experience but that's what I've heard.

Last night my friend Nick calls me up and invites me to a movie. I love Nicodemus of Kennewick like its going out of style. The craziest kid you'll ever meet with a heart of gold. (Apparently almost got married last weekend, but that's a story for another time). I ask which flick, and he replies "it's a surprise." YES!!! I LOVE surprises. AND it's a movie that hasn't been released yet. Apparently Nick knows a dude who does promotions... So I'm excited. I can't think of which awesome movie it's going to be because Harry Potter came out months ago. ;)

All these ideas are whirling around my brain... I'm thinking animated feature, comedy, something sci-fi... Yes, here it comes...

The first five minutes of this film, which decieves at first when you see Clive Owen's gorgeous face, is pure blood shed!! 30 guys are probably shot in the head or otherwise brutally killed; there is even a pregnant woman in the cross-fire, who delivers during this shoot-out and Clive Owen cuts the ambilical (spelling???) cord with a bullet. I was HORRIFIED. I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe Nick thought I would like this movie or even support it's production. Sad thing... people thought this was entertaining and were laughing!!!

It was a frustrating night because I wanted to leave the whole time, in fact I covered my face with the bill of my hat for the most part. Nick knows where my heart is. So MANY of my friends know where my heart is. Few of them respect it or try to understand. I spent 90 minutes in a theater thinking about how much better my life is knowing God, but how much more challenging it is as well. It's a joy to know my life has a plan, but my path is sometimes so unclear to me particularly when I am surrounded by non-believers... my Christian friends are all settled down and for the most part not-available. So I find myself in situations like I did with Nick. There was NOTHING redeeming about this movie. It might as well have been a porn...

I wanted to cry, but I prayed.